Something’s Gotta Give

WTF guys? Did you need the money or something?

This movie is awful, just truly, truly awful. It’s probably the worst romantic comedy I’ve ever seen and that’s a competitive category.

Diane Keaton is a uptight playwright whose main character trait is wearing roll-neck jumpers, Jack Nicholson plays the misogynistic head of a hip-hop label, they meet on a weekend at her fabulous beach house in the Hamptons (you’re rooting for them already aren’t you).

You know a script is bad when two of the actors of their generation can’t inject any life into it. Jack clearly owed someone a favour and remains on auto-pilot throughout, Diane tries her hardest bless her, but never manages to haul the movie out of the excruciating zone. Case in point: when Jack finally liberates Diane’s womanhood by cutting off her roll-neck with kitchen scissors (no kidding!), I bit my fist so hard I think I have tendon damage.

Just when you think it can’t get any worse Keanu Reeves shows up... As a doctor! (the casting office on this one apparently doubled as a crack-house). You can't really blame Keanu, these days his agent just points him at a film and presses the 'act' button, but Keaton and Nicholson have blotted their copy-books impressively here. They’ll get no sympathy from me though; he’s a Hollywood institution and hasn’t needed to do a movie he didn’t want to since the 70s and she after starring in two of the best ever should know how to recognise a good romantic comedy script when she reads one.

Juno

Teen comedy doesn’t have to be a dirty word

Whenever I read the word ‘quirky’ in the pre-release publicity for a film, a shudder runs through me. My mind begins to conjure up repressed memories from the myriad indie comedies that have self consciously tried to differentiate themselves and come of looking fake, shallow and generally lame (Garden State, Little Miss Sunshine etc.) Luckily in this case the term was misused. Title character Juno is weird, but an authentic kind of weird. She’s the girl you remember from the back of class, bored by the everyday stuff of school life and a little too clever for her own good. In this case she also happens to be pregnant which is where the fun begins.

This movie is a tap dance on the head of a pin, maintaining a constantly dry, hilarious tone, whilst exploring themes including abortion, infertility and divorce - without ever cheapening those issues or pulling its punches. For that alone it has to be admired. It’s also nice to see teen pregnancy represented in 3D rather than as a lazy cautionary tale. All of this means that you walk out of Juno with a smile on your face that comes from more than the fact that you’ve been laughing almost constantly for 90 minutes. One of the comedies of the decade so far.

5/5

Synonyms: Igby Goes Down, Ghost World

Hot Fuzz

Was probably more fun to make than it was to watch

Over a little more than two hours Edgar Wright and Simon Peg indulge their love of big budget action blockbusters. Like Shaun of the dead it before it, the movie gets considerable comic mileage from putting British institutions and humour in an American context though the same problems remain.

Wright and Peg seem too close to the source material to send it up properly and at times seem confused as to whether they’re making an action film or an action film parody, making jokes at the expense of the genre one minute and solemnly using its conventions the next. It’s also a good half an hour too long - by the tenth petrochemical explosion you may find yourself asking whether the whole thing isn’t just a bit indulgent.

That said it’s generally pretty charming and has some excellent gags which is much more than you can say for most comedy at the moment.

3/5

Synonyms: Shaun of the Dead, Zoolander

Dancer in the Dark

Beautifully made but ultimately futile and manipulative

Lars Von Trier is probably one of the world’s most talented filmmakers and this, like everything he does, is technically excellent. The systematically betrayal and destruction of the innocent Selma is beautifully shot, masterfully structured and genuinely heartbreaking, with excellent performances from all cast members.

The trouble is, it’s completely pointless. In the tradition of Raging Bull or Man Bites Dog this movie is an ordeal - It beats you up from start to finish. The difference is that Scorsese and Bunzel respected the audience enough to not take them to the depths of cinematic despair or revulsion without a reason. With Dancer, the ordeal itself is the point.

What are you trying to say Lars? That the human race is essentially bad? That all goodness is eventually destroyed? Frankly, after an emotional hammering like that I expect more than sixth-form angst as a justification.

2/5

Synonyms: Dogville, Raging Bull